Hymn for Thought

This is the first in an ongoing feature here at the Texas Cru Blog. Our faith has a rich history, a deeply meaningful past, which is well reflected in the hymns of the church. The poetic and complex nature of these songs of praise pull us outside of our tiny indivdualized worlds into the very heavens in which God resides. It's the stuff of romance. Read the words; once, twice, three times over. Take some time to meditate. Take a second to write a comment: what do these words mean to you?

O LOVE THAT WILL NOT LET ME GO
the words of George Matheson

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O light that followest all my way,
I yield my flickering torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.

Seeking?

by Todd Stewman

We don’t really go looking for God. I think we like to think we do, because it seems more high-minded to be one who seeks after God. But, honestly, when I roll out of bed in the morning, I’m usually just seeking some coffee or a bowl of Raisin Bran. Translation: In my most authentic and unguarded moments, I’m just looking to take care of me and mine.

Abram was in Haran, simply minding his own business and his own stuff, when God approached him with a promise to bless all nations through him. Moses was walking around the desert, tending some sheep and listening to his iPod, when I AM called to him from a burning bush. Shortly thereafter, the average Israelite found himself walking across the bottom of the Red Sea on his way out of slavery, wondering, “Ummm…okay.” David was out of breath when he ran in from the fields on a seemingly normal day. Upon arriving at home, the sweaty teenager was anointed by God’s judge and God’s Spirit as the next king of Israel. Jeremiah was not yet an embryo when God appointed him as a prophet to the nations. The twelve disciples had to be reminded by Jesus that He chose them, not vice versa.

There is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. How would it change my daily attempts to relate with God and live out my redemption if I genuinely acknowledged that I never went looking for God in the first place? He came looking for me and now He holds onto me by His grace. We have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. How would it change my daily interaction with other people if I genuinely acknowledged the fact that God graciously moved toward me, His enemy? When we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son.

When You Talk

by Tina Mojica

Editor's note: Tina wrote this as a post for Will's Musings blog last semester. We wanted to republish it here and now because it's still such a good thought.

Lately all I’ve really wanted is to be known. I’ve told a lot of my friends this… hoping they would get the hint, but nobody really took the bait. It’s a good thing too— I mean I am relieved for them in a way -- because it’s asking a lot.

I don’t just want someone to know my favorite movie, or how I take my coffee (hypothetical since I don’t drink coffee), but I want someone to know about things that really matter to me: my dreams, my goals, some weaknesses (not all, but enough to avoid some unintentional harm such weaknesses might cause). I don’t really just want to be known. I want to be known, good and bad, and still be liked.

A friend of mine says that the worst form of loneliness is not that of being alone, but that of being unknown. I think we try to avoid this loneliness by pretending. We start developing personality traits that people attribute to us. If you are known for your sarcasm you play it up. If people think of you as the “cheery one”, you don’t let people know that you have bad days. By focusing on a few personality traits, we attempt to create an image we think others will like. If this image is accepted we can avoid loneliness, at least on the surface. The pretending usually continues until someone calls us on it, or we get tired of playing.

I pretend best with sarcasm. Many people like to say they are sarcastic by nature. I used to feel the same way until last week. This past week, I realized the dangers of misplaced sarcasm. I had a fight with a good friend that the importance of watching what I say really hit me. We resolved the conflict that same night, but I still can’t get over how horrible it felt to know that I had let something so destructive come out of my mouth. There wasn’t a reason behind what I said…I didn’t even mean it. What was worse was that I realized I had never let this friend know how much he means to me until after I had put my foot in my mouth.

I’m cautious about letting people know just how much they mean to me. I think that in expressing love openly, l leave myself vulnerable to disappointment, rejection, and betrayal. I’m afraid of giving of myself and finding out the feeling isn’t mutual. I know that there are several people in my life that I love that probably have no idea, but there are plenty of people I love that have been the subject of a “well-placed” sarcastic comment. Sarcasm always has a bit of truth in it; sometimes I just use it as a way of letting someone know I care.

I used to think I was sarcastic by nature, but now I’m thinking I’m sarcastic out of fear. Sarcasm is funny, and if I’m not sarcastic, I feel like I lose some sort of edge on life. It’s leverage I can hold over other people because I am good at it, not every one is. This goes back to the lifeboat mentality that Don Miller talks about. This pretending thing gets out of hand and we don’t just hurt ourselves when we pretend, we hurt others because we end up dealing with each other superficially, never giving each other the chance to be known.

"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need --- words that will help others become stronger." -- Ephesians 4:29

Blah

by Jason Stenhouse

I began writing these thoughts down about a week or two ago, but they have felt unfinished, irritating me like a splinter in the back of mind; just waiting for me to do something with them. So I hope to do that something today.

I think it all started on a Tuesday when lots of things started coming at me a little bit too fast. Hurricane Katrina hit my hometown, I got in a fender-bender, I was asked to step up in several different areas of my life to lead/serve that I’m not sure I’m ready for, and I had a conversation with a friend that made me rethink a lot of stuff. It was after all this, that I laid in bed for several hours just thinking about why I do the things that I do.

I realized something that day. I realized that I don’t have any pure motives. Everything that I do, I do with the intention of being noticed by others, to gain applause. I have been trying to perform for people; trying to get them to think better of me. It kind of made me depressed and frustrated, but frustration really doesn’t describe how I felt. It was more like the kind of feeling that makes you want to run away from everyone and everything you know, leaving it all behind.

You may have never thought this about me before but it’s true. You may have thought of me as some selfless person, but that’s mostly a façade. The real me is desperate for others to notice and praise me for what I do. I tell myself that I just want people to like me, but I know that the reason for all this is much deeper than that. The truth is that I want people to redeem me; I want them to give me value or worth. So my conversations and actions are filled with little things that I say and do to try and impress others.

Just the other day I was talking with a friend and he mentioned something that he enjoyed doing. I countered with the things that I like to do, making sure that he knew how I love to listen to music that most people haven’t heard of and how I can play multiple instruments and how I read lots of books. I wanted him to think more highly of me. This happens in every conversation that I have. All of my actions are the same way. I like to help out with stuff, I like to serve. But I also like to make sure that every-one who is there sees me serving. That everyone there would know what a great servant’s heart I have. This is wrong, it’s selfish.

And in the midst of all of this I just want to run away. I want to leave this all behind, leave everyone I know and start again; but I can’t. I can’t stop talking with people and I can’t stop serving. That would be foolish. Jesus Christ has called us to love and serve others through both word and deed, so I cannot cease to do these things. I must continue on even with these impure motives, trusting that God can and will still use me; that I will be cured of these things.

I still feel like these thoughts are incomplete but I don’t know what else to say. I’m still frustrated, I still want to run away, but I believe I have found hope. God said somewhere that if we should all walk in the light, in honesty, we would be cleansed from all sin. My hope is here with others, in community, being honest with one another and with God that we would be cleansed from this sin that so easily entangles us. So, I suppose if anyone else out there is feeling like this, come find me. Let’s walk together. Let’s walk in the light and let’s be healed.

All Good Things Must Come to a Beginning

by Brett Westervelt

It seems as though everyone (and everything) has a blog these days. Blogs have brought thought-publishing to the masses, wresting away control from traditional print media. They've taken the informal exchanges of email and instant messaging and printed them for all to see. There are of course both benefits and drawbacks to such a medium.

But those are blogs in general. Now for the blog at hand - the Texas Cru Blog. In the time I've spent in the Texas Cru community, I've encountered some amazing people with fascinating things to say. These conversations have very much influenced the way I view the world, and the quality of my relationship with God. Needless to say, I'm grateful for such friends.

This blog will be a venue for written thought. An opportunity to share the conversations and the internal dialogues that take place in the lives of the staff and students of Texas Cru. We hope you'll read, but we also hope you'll share. Feel free to comment on the posts you find here, but also take the time to write out some thoughts of your own, and send them to us. The subjects you'll find here will be as diverse as our experiences - but each post will be centered around the gospel; the out workings of our relationships with the God that spoke this place we call earth into existence with a few simple words. Let there be light.