Cru Notes

Editor's Note: If you miss our weekly gathering (Tuesday nights, Garrison 1) you're missing some important thoughts on life and Godliness. If you miss class you can always copy someone else's notes... and while it's not nearly the same as being there, it's still helpful. With that in mind Annie Correa and Stephanie Dang will be sharing their notes from most Cru meetings. Read them for the first time, or by way of continuing to think about the things you heard last Tuesday. Add any of your own thoughts or fill in things they missed by way of your comments.

CHRIS THURMAN - INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIP
the notes of Annie Correa, February 28, 2006.

REVIEW FROM LAST WEEK: Intimate relationships require integrity. To practice integrity you have to figure out and hold onto who God meant you to be and let go of the things that God never meant to be true of you.

THIS WEEK: Intimacy – closeness, fondness. Intimacy is the deepest thirst of your soul, your deepest ache. God wired you for intimacy. Our culture lies to you and says your deepest thirst is for power, money, and sex. These things do not satisfy people’s soul, only intimacy does.

Intimacy exists in two forms:

[1] With God (vertically): My soul won’t find rest until it finds it in Thee. Everyone has this ache for intimacy with the Maker; whether they acknowledge it or not.
[2] With other people (horizontally): This is God-wired (something we should hold on to). In Genesis, when God is talking about His creation, He says the first negative thing about what He created. He says …it is good…it is good…it is good…but that it is NOT good for the man to be alone.

[a] Adam’s relationship with God was perfect, there was no sin in the world
[b] Adam’s lived in a perfect world
[c] Adam had the perfect job, he was given the planet to oversee

but something is missing…so God creates Eve.

The abundant life is a close relationship with God and with other people. You are wise if you are working on both and a fool if only working on one or neither. To have a close relationship with another YOU MUST meet each other’s emotional needs.


You Cannot Earn:

[1] God’s love: God is love, He will not change this about Himself; cannot raise or lower His love.
[2] Salvation: Salvation comes in spite of our own efforts. Your most righteous behaviors are like filthy rags to God. Even your tears of sorrow over your sins are impure.
[3] Worth: We are given worth because we are God’s image bearers. You won’t have more or less down the road.
[4] Identity: We were born as a child of sin,when saved we became a child of God.

Everything else in this world must be earned!
We can’t ask God to grant us physical fitness or financial fitness, we must earn them. In this same way we must earn closeness with each other. Meet each other’s needs: we must serve.


Our Emotional Needs:
Attention, Acceptance, Affirmation, Appreciation, Affection, Comfort, Encouragement, Respect, Security, Support, and Understanding.

These are God-wired needs. You will injure yourself and others if you don’t realize that you have these needs and that other people have these needs too. We are called to love richly and deeply. Our rewards await us in Heaven. When we meet others’ emotional needs, it communicates that they are worthy.


What Happens When Our Emotional Needs Go Unmet?
Our emotional needs will go unmet. Even the best parent, husband, friend, is human won’t meet them all perfectly. We respond by feeling hurt and angry. God wired us this way. It’s okay to feel this way, the wrong comes in how we deal with these emotions. We often fall into destructive coping, that is we cope sinfully. Never apologize for what you are wired for (needing closeness, having emotional needs, and feeling hurt and angry when these needs aren’t met) but do apologize for coping destructively.


When Coping Destructively You Will Tend To:

[-] Isolate yourself
[-] Attack (sin in your anger by aggression)
[-] Be passive aggressive (cold shoulder, aloofness, sarcasm…)
[-] Self medicate (instant relief/gratification): idolatry, everyone in this room is an addict in some way.
[-] Perfection (try harder; legalism): people should not have to jump through hoops to have their needs met.

Being Christ-like means serving. Seeking to serve, not to be served. Do what you can to meet others’ emotional needs, knowing that you won’t necessarily have all of your needs met in return.


[AN ASIDE] Love:

[1] Eros: sexual attraction and interest. This is not the highest version of love.
[2] Phileo: fondness or liking. This isn’t the highest version of love.
(These two come together to form romantic love, which is a form of insanity, makes you act goofy.)
[3] Agape: highest form of love. God has perfect agape love for us. “An act of will aimed at fostering a person’s growth”:

[-] Act of will: decision not based on loins or heart
[-] Has an aim: not aimless, target specific
[-] Foster: you can’t MAKE people grow, Christ never controlled people
[-] A person’s: not a car or food
[-] Growth: not “making someone happy” God values your maturity over your happiness. He values your health and joy in the long-term, at the expense of making you uncomfortable in the mean time.