A Dangerous Confession
Editor's Note: The following are some thoughts Tiffany had the other day that I thought might be the beginning of an interesting discussion. Read and then contribute your thoughts by way of the comments section. We'll see what happens.
by Tiffany Dang
I had a conversation with a friend last week that left me bothered. My friend mentioned that I talk about my sin a lot, and wondered why this was exactly. I generally trust what this friend perceives and says, and so I started to think about why I do this, why I talk about my sin so much.
I started to wonder if people perceive me as someone who can’t see past her sin, who dwells on it too much. If that is the case, then I would be taking away from what Jesus did on Calvary, but I don't think I do. I never want to get to a point where my sin is okay and I can live with it. I want to be someone who can see her sin for what it is. I want to be disgusted by it. I want to see that it is a relational crime against this person I claim to love. I want to see that it tears at the heart of my savior, because only then can I love him more.
If I don't understand how repulsive my sin is to the Father, then I don't understand my need. I don't understand why Jesus came and I can't fall in love with him because I can't grasp what grace is. I don't like seeing that I have areas in my life that are not what they should be. I don't like knowing that I'm not perfect and that I don't deserve Jesus in any way. I'd rather earn my way. But I am grateful that he is going to see me through and isn't going to leave me the way that I currently am. I love that there is hope in my story because I have claimed Jesus as my Lord. I often identify with the woman in Luke – I love Jesus all the more because I see what he chose to die for. He risked himself on me – someone who more often than not chooses to cheat on him and make him feel like he doesn't matter. And sometimes it doesn't faze me. And he knew that and he still chose to fight for my freedom.
When I recognize this, my response is to fall on my face and fall in love with him because I can't do anything but. I hope that makes sense. I probably didn't even need to tell you this. I am not a depressed person that thinks she's worthless, but I think I see what I would be had God not rescued me from myself and I'm glad that he's given me a new name. I'm a person seeking to walk with the Spirit and discover who I am to be...this person that his love has allowed me to be.
by Tiffany Dang
I had a conversation with a friend last week that left me bothered. My friend mentioned that I talk about my sin a lot, and wondered why this was exactly. I generally trust what this friend perceives and says, and so I started to think about why I do this, why I talk about my sin so much.
I started to wonder if people perceive me as someone who can’t see past her sin, who dwells on it too much. If that is the case, then I would be taking away from what Jesus did on Calvary, but I don't think I do. I never want to get to a point where my sin is okay and I can live with it. I want to be someone who can see her sin for what it is. I want to be disgusted by it. I want to see that it is a relational crime against this person I claim to love. I want to see that it tears at the heart of my savior, because only then can I love him more.
If I don't understand how repulsive my sin is to the Father, then I don't understand my need. I don't understand why Jesus came and I can't fall in love with him because I can't grasp what grace is. I don't like seeing that I have areas in my life that are not what they should be. I don't like knowing that I'm not perfect and that I don't deserve Jesus in any way. I'd rather earn my way. But I am grateful that he is going to see me through and isn't going to leave me the way that I currently am. I love that there is hope in my story because I have claimed Jesus as my Lord. I often identify with the woman in Luke – I love Jesus all the more because I see what he chose to die for. He risked himself on me – someone who more often than not chooses to cheat on him and make him feel like he doesn't matter. And sometimes it doesn't faze me. And he knew that and he still chose to fight for my freedom.
When I recognize this, my response is to fall on my face and fall in love with him because I can't do anything but. I hope that makes sense. I probably didn't even need to tell you this. I am not a depressed person that thinks she's worthless, but I think I see what I would be had God not rescued me from myself and I'm glad that he's given me a new name. I'm a person seeking to walk with the Spirit and discover who I am to be...this person that his love has allowed me to be.
posted at 3:54 PM
6 Comments:
i'm quite content because my life is centered around the gospel of Jesus Christ. because i know that at one time i was a sinner bound for hell, but now i'm a sinner bound for heaven. because i know that my God loved us so much that he would come down and pay the price for our sins so that i could be free to love Him back and live for Him. and when you think about what Christ has done for us all you realize that all your other problems become trivial and that Jesus has already taken care of the biggest problem in our life if we trust in Him and His promises.
you're probably wondering why i'm writing all of this. and it's probably b/c i'm a mood to tell people something and no one is around to talk to. and tomorrow people will read this and i will know that my thoughts were not wasted.
I know this is your post Dang but Colin threw out some great questions.
What do we do with sin? I ask forgiveness. But I feel like I'm sick and not getting any better.
What is my responsibility as a follower of Christ when it comes to sin? That I suppose is where I am lost. How does the process of sanctification work? I know God is the one who changes us, but I also know that I keep failing.
I’ve been reading and thinking about some good stuff in Divine Conspiracy dealing with asking and ideas about our walks from some sermons by Tim Keller on Proverbs and wisdom.
By default I think we try to control everything in life. We as people are always seeing what we can get instead of what we could receive; as self-centered people this is only natural. So I think because of this nature we have problems with asking. We’re use to us doing things and controlling all the results that us-actions cause. Like I get to know the why of what’s going and I mostly get to control when my actions and the results there of occur. For me these two ideas are baggage that I carry over when I ask others for stuff. I ask and expect my roommate to be more of an extrovert around me immediately when he’s been an introvert for twenty two years. Character change takes time. My campus director tells me to do something new and I’ll be darned if I’m going to do it unless he gives me extensive answers to all my why questions. Insisting on the why can sometimes bypass faith and even ruin the process or ending. One of my problems is when I ask God for stuff I carry these unrealistic ideas over. I want Him to fix my problems now and I want to know the whole picture. Sin isn’t going away and I don’t know why.
So I think that the solution is not to change what were doing but be realistic about the situations we find ourselves in. I’m not saying we stop fighting or stop asking, but change many times only happens in day after day fighting and praying. I think the statement that we overestimate the short term and underestimate the long term is very true of our walks and sin management. At our age and for many of us as relatively young Christian I think we are naïve to the pace of life. I’ve been hearing some good talks from Tim Keller on Proverbs and I am starting to realize that our walk is what it is; a walk. The Christian life happens not as moments in time but as steps. I am finally letting go the idea that I need a new major battle over sin won everyday or a new grand theological point in my head. Our walk is a path not a door. That’s huge for me. I think I try a button pushing technique where I try to get the right combination to open the door. I’m realizing that I need to stay committed to pursuing Christ. This is the crappy answer though because it takes patience, organization, time management, and devotion. None of which seem to naturally blossom out of me.
Sin is currently smacking me in the face here in East Asia. I’m way out of my comfort zone and I am forced to interact with the same six Americans everyday. I’m realizing how selfish and judgmental I am. I’m realizing that I have to ask God for change; for life; for love. I’m realizing that I have to seek Him consistently and sanctification happens on His time table and based on His wisdom.
there's that pimple and his wisdom again. good stuff, dear friend, as usual. and colin, thanks for sharing. i loved how david pointed out it's a process.
"The Christian life happens not as moments in time but as steps. I am finally letting go the idea that I need a new major battle over sin won everyday or a new grand theological point in my head. Our walk is a path not a door...I’m realizing that I have to ask God for change; for life; for love. I’m realizing that I have to seek Him consistently and sanctification happens on His time table and based on His wisdom."
colin, we are plagued. and Jesus lovingly embraces our sickness. it is for us that he came and not the righteous. i know you know this. give me grace as i process with you.
i would say that being defeated is only natural when we wage this war on our own strength. and in those moments we must be reminded that we are told to fight, run, wrestle, endure, persevere..along with the Spirit. sin is not our battle to fight. it was nailed to the cross and we are promised freedom. i'm not discounting our flesh nor am i saying we are free from bringing our (i want to say an expletive..) sin into the light. i'm saying that our responsibility is to see sin as the thing that separates us from our creator. sin blatantly says i don't love you. and when we recognize this...that's when Jesus steps in. we have to trust that He's going to clean us up and continually renew us. His mercies are new EVERY morning. He fights this with us, for us.
what are your thoughts?
Going into detail more about what I have been experiencing lately, I have been reading a proverb everyday. I read one and mark the verses that really apply to me. They really point out sin in my life. I reread the ones from the day before and after going through that days proverb I also reread over my stared ones again. This has been good for me because it's allowing me to be honest with new sin in my life, wrestling with it a little, and ask God to change it. Pride and the ability to accept teaching are the themes that have really been hitting me. It's been cool to see these things changes over the course of the month not days or hours. I'm confident that most of the good lessons we learn and the big changes we see are the ones that happen over a large period of time; not the flash in the pan epiphanies we have. I can point to some of the bigger ideas that I have learned over the course of a semester or the duration of a summer project that seem invaluable; it feels like I couldn’t continue being a Christian with out these lessons and changes. I feel like I don't know the person that existed before these things happen. I think as we fight sin we have to really trust God with our sanctification process.
27 haha good number. I like to ask Him make me feel like a 0%. He does. It's a great prayer to make you teachable.
"I think what bothers me most about my sin is how I let it beat me down. Sometimes to the point where I can't even do anything for God. I think I'm not good enough. In my mind I am so disgusted with who I am I can't let myself see how big Jesus is and how much He actually loves me."
lies lies lies. i wonder what would happen if we really believed Jesus loved us past our sin. if we rest in our depravity alone, we are living out death. when we don't cling to the truth that He loves us, plain and simple, we don't understand who He is or why He came. i dunno.
but what i do know is that i am a completely flawed individual who wants more than anything to be fixed. and i grasp tightly to the hope that one day i will be.
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